In 2014, I lost my job, house, and fiancee unexpectedly. Then, the Lord told me He wanted me to go into ministry FULL-TIME! That meant I had to be set free of some things that would hold me back from serving the Lord, whole-heartedly. Then, He took me around the country and showed me personally how good He is and how much He loves! My whole life changed.
I was doing ministry "part-time" before that, primarily working with the homeless having "Church at the Park" every Sunday afternoon. We also did street ministry on Friday nights, met together for house church, and planned ministry events together, as the local Church of Jesus Christ. It was AMAZING but I knew there was more. In 2015, when I was blessed to be able to visit 23 states in just 7 months, I had no idea what I was doing! I just had a lot of faith, but not a lot of money. I didn't know people in advance but I had courage to just go and trust.
I trusted God would open doors no man could shut, and that He would lead me every step of the way, and He did just that! I transitioned from partially serving the Lord in Charlotte, while still working a lot and living according to the patterns of this world, into complete submission and total surrender. I leaned into Him and gave Him everything and in return, He gave me so much more! He took me on a wild and beautiful adventure around these United States and connected me with some really cool believers. I went from church to church, home to home.
He provided a place for me to stay in every single state, in nice rooms with nice beds and nice people. These people fed me, donated to the cause, and put gas in my car. They gave me gifts and made me feel like a child of God. I was welcomed graciously and shown great hospitably. It wasn't always perfect, but for the most part, every place I went was overwhelmingly special and received me with open arms. To live by faith instead of sight, as a missionary, a disciple of Jesus Christ, was and still is, really the best way to live! I was truly living better this way!
This is the better way, guys. As someone who has lived a slave to the things of this world and has chased worldly pursuits, not always blatantly evil, and then who has stepped out and released every care of this world into my Father's hands to trust Him enough to follow His lead, even blindly, I can tell you, choosing the second is always better. I choose to continue to live by His leading, not my own imagination, selfish-ambitions, good ideas, or fleeting feelings. I don't always do it 100% but I do my best, with His help. Now, let me tell you about my history.
From 2011-2015, God radically changed my life. He pursued me relentlessly, unstoppable with passion and adoration. It was His LOVE that changed me, not His wrath, not His punishment, not His discipline, not His anger. I grew up with religion, like Paul in the Bible, always trying to be the best, trying to be good enough for God and those around me. I worked really, really hard and excelled at pretty much everything I did. I was a straight-A student who did sports and so many extracurricular activities. I had lots of friends and my teachers loved me. I was doing good.
Or so I thought. I thought that being a "good" person was the way to be right with God. To be honest, I was scared of Him. I was scared if I wasn't "good enough," He would strike me down with lightning. I was afraid of His punishment, and so I performed really well at everything I did. I used my manners, was kind to strangers, and showed no favoritism when it came to selecting friends. I impressed those in authority and I won awards. On the outside, by the world's standard, yes I really was doing pretty well. I got first place in a lot of things, won contests, became my Teachers' Pet, and proved my worth, over and over again.
But I was empty. I was tired. I was lonely. I was hurting. I felt exhausted. I felt burned out, and it felt like I could never strive hard enough to be perfect enough, no matter how great I was at everything. Lots of people appreciated me and looked up to me, I was a poster child for excellence, but it was still not enough. I longed to be truly loved, even if it meant I messed up. I wanted to be accepted, even if I made mistakes sometimes. I wanted to know people could love me, even if I didn't impress them. But I had never really found that.
So, I got to College, after some trying-teenage years, and I finally felt free! I was independent and I could make my own decisions without pressure from family, or peers or teachers. But I did what I always did. I got straight A's and impressed my Professors and Mentors. I did better than a lot of people and I refused to party or drink, or do drugs or sleep around. I was determined to continue to uphold my perfect moral standards and live a righteous life.
But one year before I graduated college, I lost it. A guy broke my heart and it triggered something inside of me to just crumble. I lost it completely, as this was the icing on the cake, a long-time coming. I suddenly felt alone and rejected, even though my track record was spotless, along with my impressive resume. I was Saul on the road to Damascus, but instead of killing Christians, I was killing myself with my tiresome ambition and relentless striving.
I was hurting on the inside and I froze. But instead of the Lord calling out to me in that moment, I ran the opposite direction for a split second. I dated some guys I shouldn't, drank lots of alcohol for the first time, and went to the club. I partied with my roommates and made some dumb decisions. Thank God, it only lasted a few months, and as I spiraled lower, self-sabotaging and hurting myself, I sat in my college class, and the Lord suddenly spoke to me.
I was no longer Saul in that moment, with self-righteousness destroying me, but I had my light-bulb moment with the Lord, where I found the answer I desperately needed. He called out to me and told me to help the invisible ones. In that class, sitting there learning about kids with special needs, He told me not to forget about those that everyone else forgets about, not just kids with disabilities, but EVERYONE who has ever felt alone, forgotten, and invisible, just like I had. "See the invisible, remember the forgotten, help those that are hurting..." He said. "It will be a movement."
"But what shall I call it?" was my question. "Project Change the World," immediately dropped in my spirit, and a joy that I had to work really hard to contain in the middle of my lecture, overcame me. I was bursting on the inside with an excitement that I hadn't felt in a long time! I knew, I just knew, I had to do this. So, in the middle of an unhealthy relationship with an atheist guy, I sat in a park in Concord, NC on a hill, under a tree on a sunny afternoon, and whipped out my notebook from my writing class. I scribbled down some "ideas" that quickly popped out of me supernaturally, like popcorn. They came so fast and so easy!
One year later, I was at a crossroads, I was graduating UNCC with a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education. I loved teaching kids, but I felt that I was being summoned to a higher path. It didn't make sense from the outside looking in. I had done SUPER well in my classes, been trained by the BEST Teacher/Mentor, and my College Supervisor was even so impressed with my final-teaching curriculum project, that she asked to use it as a model for future students! I was honored but I knew, despite the fact that I would look crazy, despite the fact that my parents would think I'd lost my mind, despite the fact that I was first in my immediate family to go to college, despite the fact that what on earth would all my friends think, despite the fact that I'd been trained by the best, did really well, spent four years preparing for this, I was going to abandon it all to pursue a call with no clear direction.
Yeah, I probably looked nuts, but I felt I had to do it. I just knew that I couldn't look back at my life with regrets. I couldn't stand to think that possibly, one day, I'd wonder "what if," if I never had done it. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, where exactly to start, what it would become, and what it all meant, just that I HAD to do it. So, I did. I took the biggest leap of faith up until that point of my life, and I started "Project Change the World."
Little did I know, that one day, the Lord would show me His hand on it and transform it completely into a ministry, "Project Save the World," hence present day. But to wrap up this story, let me say this, from 2011-2015, Jesus found me, a wandering soul with starry eyes, big dreams, and a big heart, looking for her place in the world. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to help people. I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to do my part in making a difference. That's all I knew and that was enough. He found me, a lost soul looking for answers, trying to help every single person that I met, volunteering at every charity event I could, and He showed up.
He revealed Himself to me. It wasn't religion, like I'd grown up with in the Presbyterian Church. It wasn't about perfectly following rules or trying not to sin. It wasn't about being a nice person, saying please and thank you. It wasn't even about not doing bad stuff and instead doing "good stuff." No, He came to me with one simple message, "I love you and what I did on the cross WAS and STILL IS good enough." He said, "You don't have to try so hard child; I already paid the price. Give it to me. Rest. Take a break. Enjoy the life I gave you. You are accepted. You're forgiven. You are enough because what I did when I died for you was. It is finished. You are mine. You are loved."
And that was enough. That was enough to open my eyes and turn me into a Paul, no longer Saul, blinded on a quest to achieve perfect righteousness, no matter the cost. Now, I was truly free! My sins were paid for. I could grow into Christ and if I stumbled, as new believers, like babies, often do, it was okay. I was given grace. Grace. What a foreign word, I had never known. Mercy. What was that? I had never known mercy but now I did. Forgiveness. Whoa. I was forgiven? Even if I failed? Even if I made a silly mistake? That was the BEST news. I was released.
I was released from being a slave to self-righteousness. I was released from being in bondage to my own selfish-ambition and vain pursuits in the name of excellence and perfection. Jesus Christ was perfect, so that I could be allowed to experience imperfection. He was the Savior, not me. He was the Ultimate Super-Hero, not me. He was God, so I didn't have to try and play that part. I had a role to play, yes, but I did it WITH Him, and that friends, changes everything. It was no longer about what I was doing FOR Him, but what I was doing together, with Him.
I was His friend now. And over the next four years, I learned to co-labor WITH Christ, not just trying to advance my own Kingdom in His name. Rather, I learned to advance HIS Kingdom, HIS way, by following HIS instructions. He said to heal the sick, so I did. He said to prophesy, so I did. He said to make disciples, so I became one first. He said to cast out demons and it happened. He said to preach the Good News, the Gospel, so I traveled the country and I did just that. On streets, in cities, in parks, and in public places, like Walmart, Target, and the mall, I prayed for people. I evangelized and I saw miracles.
I saw Heaven touch Earth, because now I was working with Him, on His team, led by His teachings AND His promptings. He took me down paths I never imagined possible and showed me things I never knew possible. He won me over more and more each day with His PERFECT love and His compassion; His kindness and goodness made me continue to follow Him, once I had turned away from my past way of doing things and turned to Him.
In conclusion, the last season of my life, from 2016-2020, I learned to be still and know that He is God. He had taught me in the previous season how to work with Him and advance His kingdom, bringing Heaven to Earth but now I had another lesson to be learned: how to really wait on the Lord and really, really know His voice. It was living in the secret place, the quiet, undistracted place, for nearly four years that taught me this. He showed me that even if I did nothing, He would still do everything and anything to fulfill His plans. For the ones He loves, He would move Heaven and Earth on their behalf, simply because He loves them, not because of anything they do.
He told me to watch and He opened my eyes, even more, to His power. I began to see "mini-miracles," in everyday life and I saw how everything is actually connected. Every choice has a result and every move we make creates an impact. Therefore, I learned in that place, how important it is to wait on Him and be led by His Spirit in EVERYTHING. Jesus ONLY did what He heard and saw His FATHER doing and saying. He lived in obedience.
I learned that obeying Him is SO SO important because of the weight of our choices. But He showed me, that while I did nothing but rest in Him, and sit at His feet and learn from Him, that He would still take care of me because He really does work out everything for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I learned to hear His voice so clearly and I got to know Him SO well in that place. I don't regret it at all.
I learned about the different roles He plays in our lives and as such, I learned so much about myself in the process too. I learned who I am, in Him and who I, specifically, am created to be. He showed me my identity, as He revealed His own. He fine-tuned my ears and increased my spiritual sensitivity. He gave me a whole other level of awareness and taught me how to effectively follow Him, in every-day life. He revealed great secrets and mysteries to me and showed me life-changing revelation. But for me, it wasn't the easiest season, because I'm an active person.
But it was necessary. Despite wanting to break free, and run around with my friends, He kept me humble and patient. Despite wanting to jump straight back into ministry, He made me wait and learn these higher ways. It was next level and it was time I stepped up, if I was to be who He made me to be. I couldn't run around blindly anymore, doing whatever felt right in that moment. I couldn't only live by faith, if I lacked discernment and His leading now. He was promoting me, but that required discipline, patience, and wisdom. I had to be aware of the times & seasons, after all.
I had to be aware of what was really happening all around me, so I wasn't just shooting arrows in the dark. He showed me the Spiritual War that we are in and gave me a newfound anger to hate what is evil. I'd been all nice and cupcakes, butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns up until that point. But now I needed a boldness to fight. I needed to learn how to battle the darkness and dispel it. This was new. But this was needed. Especially today.
So, here we are. In 2021. Last year, He let me leave the "Secret Place," where He'd pulled me away from the world and taught me in His "School," of "Higher-Learning" for four years. I had been trained, equipped, and empowered by the King Himself. He was my Mentor, directly. I learned from the best. The Holy Spirit was and is my Teacher and I will always listen to Him, above any man, or any leader. I don't apologize for that. I trust Him. I know Him.
I love Him and He is the reason I breathe. He is the reason I do anything at all. He is the reason I'm starting to get into music and specifically, worship, again. He is the reason I feel led to continue to travel and make Him famous. He is the reason I help people, I love people, I save the world with Him. He is the reason and He always will be.
Nothing comes before Him. Nothing takes His place. Not ministry, not family, not work, not friends, not a relationship, not dreams, nothing is greater than Him and nothing can be. He is the great "I AM" and I worship Him as God alone. I have no idols before Him and I am now choosing to continue this journey of faith wherever it takes me.
He loves me too much to abandon me. He won't do anything to hurt me. He won't do anything to separate me from Him. He'll rescue me, humble me, challenge me, and provide for me. He'll protect me and teach me. He'll strengthen me, restore me, and free me from anything trying to hurt me. He'll look out for me; He always has and always will. The same is true for you too. And friends, I challenge you, the more you live by faith and the less you live by what your eyes can see, you will be blessed and rewarded. The more you trust Him and follow His lead, the more you'll see Heaven open over you and miracles, signs, and wonders follow you everywhere you go.
The Bible says: "He is for you, not against you." "Nothing can separate you from His love." "He has good plans for you." "His love covers a multitude of sins and it never fails." "His goodness leads us to repentance." "He knows how many hairs are on your head." "He saw you in your mother's womb." "He chose you first." "He loved you first." "He is with you, no matter where you go." "He will never leave or forsake you." "He knows about you." "He died for you."
If you take away anything from this, friends, please take away this, that Jesus Christ laid down His life so that you might take up yours. He gave His own life away so that you might find an abundant life, with Heaven writing your name in Eternity. He died so that you might live. Now, will you live for Him? Will you accept that He is really good and He really does love you? Will you believe that He alone is Lord and He alone can save? He is good enough.
He is good enough so that you don't always have to be. He is perfect when you are not. He is flawless, even when we have flaws. He never messed up and He never will. He loves you unconditionally and He made you. He sees you. He knows your name. He believes in you. He wants you. He calls out to you. He watches over you. Will you receive Him? Will you receive His love and kindness? Will you accept His grace, mercy and forgiveness?
Because it's for you. He is for you, friend. Let Him in. Let Him have your heart. Take it from me. It's totally worth it.
GIVE HIM EVERYTHING NOW. DON'T HOLD BACK 🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍🧡🤍
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